When I
arrived at the university my boyfriend was waiting for me. I quickly gave him a
kiss and a hug and then settled down in the great hall to study some more. I
even ditched my first class so that I could study for my second class, which
was Old Testament. Out of the two tests that I had had before hand I had passed
one and failed another. I was as determined as I had ever been not to fail this
one, else I’d have to take the class again since there was no exam; or that was
what I feared anyway. All around me was a blur. I don’t remember if I talked to
anyone or if anyone talked to me. I did know that my boyfriend was sitting next
to me but that was about it.
After
my test I was feeling a smidgen better. Old Testament was the one that I had
been the most worried about and the one that I had studied the hardest for. New
Testament I knew enough to finally pass one of the tests so I wasn’t too
worried about it. My boyfriend and I decided to go to worship chapel before
the test to give me a break from studying. Throughout the chapel he held my hand and occasionally would smile at
me. I’d smile back and sing some more. Afterwards he suggested that we go to
the lecture hall so that I could finish studying for New Testament.
When we
entered into the lecture hall there was only one other person there. I shrugged
and continued walking up the steps but, behind me, my boyfriend said “ah crap.”
I just shrugged again. He wasn’t going to interrupt our studying so I didn't see the point in being annoyed that he was there. I just sat down at
our usual seats, second row from the back for this particular class, and
started pulling my books out and preparing to study. After a few moments by
boyfriend took my hand and said off handily, “this is where we first met, isn’t
it?”
I
looked up from my studying and said, “yup, it was actually the row below us.”
After a moment of silence I looked up again and he was smiling at me. “Oh no,”
I said. “Oh yes,” he said and then got down on one knee in the little isle in
front of his seat, smiling, his other hand was behind his back. “Brianna Lynn deJong, I love you and I want to
spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” I grinned and bounced
up and down in my seat, my studying momentarily forgotten, as I said yes I
would marry him.
This
has pretty much been the definition of our relationship from before our
engagement to years after our wedding. Our engagement was no easy swim and our
marriage is most certainly not always a walk in the park. Sometimes it feels as
if I’ve gotten into something above my head and I’m just barely able to breath
for the stress. Josh has been one of the only constants in the last almost
three years of our marriage, four years, almost five, if you count how long we’ve
known one another. He knows what to say to calm me down or distract me from my
stress and he knows what to say to allow me to let out how I actually feel,
rather than pretend that I’m ok, as I do with many others. There are days where I
think to myself, by golly what did I do to marry this man and then he does something
and I remember why I said ‘I do.’
At one
point in time during our engagement, someone from church asked me what I loved
about Josh. I didn’t really even have to think. My instant response was that he
could make me smile, even when I hated him. There are sometimes when choosing
to love is not easy. But if there is one thing that Josh has taught me over the
years, it is how to choose to love. My goodness, I’m not claiming to be any
good at it. In fact, there are some days
where I downright suck at it, and then I get angry at myself for not doing what
I should to be the best wife that I can be. When he notices this he just smiles, gives me a big hug and says that I am the best wife he could ever ask for. He still loves me no matter what and shows this to me daily. It took me a while, I’ll admit, to even notice the
little things that he did to show his love. Now when he does something as
simple as draw me a bubble bath I get giggly and I can’t help but smile.
Some may say that we are still in
our ‘honey moon’ stage and that those feelings will pass. I like to try to be a
bit optimistic. Choosing to love another human being in the way that the recipient
feels loved is what can save many marriages. I’m not going to lie. There are
sometimes when I am a very selfish person and I want what I want and that’s
just the way it’s going to be. My husband is not like that. He is a very giving
person, opinionated to the ridiculous sometimes, but giving. He thrives on
service and to not volunteer to help out at church or at work is just weird to
him. I honestly am not geared that way, though I’m learning and quickly. I
thrive on encouragement. If my husband tells me that I can write a novel and
get it published than I’ll work my hardest when I’m working on is and it will
be great. If someone tells me that I can’t write a novel and have it published,
I’ll work on it just to prove them wrong and it will be mediocre at best. My
husband is my encourager and because he is so bluntly honest, I know that when
he encourages me, he truly believes what he is saying and is not just saying it
to ‘stay out of the dog house’ as it were. I believe that if we hold fast to
our faith and hold fast to our constant choice to love each other in the best
way we can, that our relationship will survive anything. Besides, we already
said that the only way we can get rid of each other is if one of us killed the
other, and to be quite frank, I’d miss my hubby far too much to do that.
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